New dawn, new realizations

It was 10 o’clock in the night  and I left for Aurangabad, travelling alone for the first time in my life. I removed my wristwatch to put in my bag. There were too many thoughts in my mind, I was frustrated with many things the whole week. The last few months weren’t surely the best for me. It was the first outstation workshop to be held and we, as a team , were and still are proud that from my institute we were the first one to take this initiative and we could make it happen. I left Nagpur with so many hopes and  so many feelings- anxiety, frustration , nervousness. The day was really hectic, had so many things on my mind but no one to help me. I was feeling so helpless for the first time in the college.

The past few weeks were really going bad for me. I performed very poorly in the sessional examination, every time I resolved that I would study harder and every time my GPA went down. The college , I thought , isn’t the same it used to be when I first participated in one event 4 years back. Many of my friends feel I think too much about this institute but then no one would and no one can really understand the real reason. I came to this college, not to study , but to live the college life. Hang out with friends , cheer in cultural nights , dance in the DJ nights , organize the festivals , work for the same and lastly enjoy the pleasure it gives. I did that very well in my first year. But since last year or so, I thought is this the same institute I was so proud of even when I wasn’t a part of it, is it the same institute that allowed its students to excel in all activities. It wasn’t the same anymore.

My juniors do not know the names of their immediate seniors. There was a time when the first years knew so many people and even the names of their alumni. Times change, it’s true. It’s not always the college’s fault. Sometimes I felt that even we are to blame ourselves . Are we that serious to change the way the institute is going? No, I thought and it further added to my frustrations. What I experienced in second year was way different than first year. The situation changed, responsibilities increased and sadly even the people around me changed. There was not a single person who could support my cause. A new realization dawned, don’t speak out in front of people who don’t deserve what you say, who don’t care what you say. Just keep it to yourself and move on. Everyone shouldn’t feel the same as you do.

The bus stopped midway at some restaurant. I stopped my thoughts midway to refresh myself. Drank water, freshened I went back to bus. The bus resumed the journey and I resumed mine too.

change

Rather than thinking about the changed world, am I the one who changed? Yes, I would say. I changed a lot too, I became more serious(some feel too serious), I started neglecting academics more, I criticized this institute,my friends,my seniors.  In first year, I used to mock about my friends a lot and then laugh, I still do sometimes, but it has reduced. I liked doing that, it kept me happy. I don’t know whether the change is good or not. Sometimes, I feel just to live freely do whatever I want without caring who I am or what I am. But then I cannot, responsibilities bring expectations, they enslave you. In the meantime, I slept, without caring what time it was, where I was. Tomorrow was a very important day for me, for all of us. Three of my friends were already there, making some basic arrangements.

I woke up early morning. I had reached my destination. I got down the bus, took out the wristwatch from my bag. The time it read was 10 p.m. I corrected it and moved on.