An ode to past

Past. Means so much to us. We run away from our present, to our future or to our favourite place, past. We look forward to escape from our present, the troublesome present, to go back and relive the happy moments of our past. Nostalgia. This is what we often seek. Go down the memory lane, look at the old photos, watch old videos, visit the same places again with a hope to recreate that aura, those moments we lived, the moments which were worth remembering. A part of our past is worth living again and again. The time we wished could stand still, or would last for eternity. We think we have entered a time warp, it flies away, zooms past us and yet it somehow sinks in and creates memories. We desperately store it somehow, somewhere, in some part of our brain or some corner of our room, or in our computers. Retrieve them, to relive them. Cherish them. We close our eyes, to re-imagine what it felt like, an episode as if rewatched. Tears roll down, the mixed emotions, thinking of the days gone by, missing those moments, those places and those people. Nostalgia is denial. Denial of the painful present.

Past. Forgettable for some, unforgettable for some. Oh, the paradox of it. Past. Some glorify it; for it is the only thing they can hold on to. Escape from their present, ignore it. Rebuild the past, to mould it into their present. To seek that comfort once again. Make present such that we relive the past and then go into the future. Complicated it is and yet we complicate it. To escape the seemingly complicated present, we seek the seemingly simple past to make the present only more complicated. Past is what makes us, and it is what breaks us.

Future. We run to it. Seeking solace from our present. Expectations. They define our lives, they give us a meaning. Purpose. An eternal search continues, to find the purpose of our existence. The find is what probably keeps us going. In seeking that purpose, we often realize the purposelessness of our mortal lives in this immortal universe.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” ― John Green, Looking for Alaska

Time. How often we want it to act as per our convenience. Sometimes we wish that it just flies away and sometimes we wish it to stop, last forever. Confusion. Present is confusion. Present is anxious, present is nervous. Past is comfort and future is hope. Travel. Travel to future, to some place, some mountains, to some sea. Travel to past. Travel to future to travel to past. We all are travellers, some travel in time and some in space.

Love. Love is what we seek and yet love is what we are afraid of us. The baggage that comes with it, the pain that comes with it. Love, to relive it, is probably we travel for. To past, to experience that feeling once again. To loved by the people you love and remember the most in the world. Travel back to a place because you love it, because the people loved you. All we want is money, and all we need is love. Equating time with money, the essence of love is probably lost. Love then becomes the past and also the hope for future. Loneliness. It hurts. We travel solo, because we have to or we believe so. Travel solo, in search of something. Solo to relive the past and to hope for the future.

Oh, take me back to start.

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